“It Was My Last Year Of Residency”

“So…we heard you might be depressed or something of the like…”

It was my last year of residency.

I was at my third year resident review in a room full of men who were my superiors, none of whom I had confided this information to.

I quickly scanned the room. Not one person was making eye contact with me.

I panicked.

I responded with,

“Yes. But I’m all better. I have a handle on everything.”

With a few nods, the conversation moved on.

In reality:

I felt embarrassed

I felt weak

I felt like a failure

Residency had broken me

September 17 was National Physician Suicide Awareness Day (USA).

For a group of people who took an oath to “do no harm” we need to change this culture to truly do no harm to ourselves.

The stigma against mental health still exists in our field, although, we are now seeing movement towards incorporating wellness programs for healthcare professionals.

ACEP (American College of Emergency Physicians) has marked this year’s theme as One of US in honor of those in our field who have taken their lives. They are one of us

We have an embedded culture of stoicism, endless personal sacrifice, and

It needs to change.

Please know

You are not alone.

You come first.

You are strong.

Let’s break this stigma.

Let’s normalize this conversation.

Let’s do this together.